Saturday, November 11, 2017

Once Upon aTime I

used to wait for the sound of tires on the driveway outside my parents’ house. I was waiting for a savior.

Everyone told me that was stupid or foolish at best but I knew it wasn’t.

Four years ago someone else met her savior. That savior was me.

I thought we were going to save each other. She told me I would never be alone or scared or have to stand by myself against adversity again.

She lied. She lied all the time.

She wanted me to save her and never had any intention of reciprocating.

I found some journal entries from two years ago. It took her a year to convince me to trust her and we lived together for almost a year and she yanked me around for two after that.

Two years ago I had asked her to move out. She stopped paying rent and spent her money on other things. She stayed home when she was depressed and wouldn’t clean up after herself or cook. As soon as she felt better she’d leave me with a dirty house and no money crying all the time so she could go out with other women and flirt and who knows what else.

I wrote this:

11/11/15
Pattern:
Happy so long as I ask for nothing, you give little, and so long as I give you what you want 
I say I can't give any more or it will hurt
You say you understand
You ask for more
 I hesitate
You remove affection
I give
I cry
It hurts
You scowl and make it clear I'll get no comfort from you
We fight
You're sorry. You give something but not comfort or love
We make up
It's fine until I can't keep giving so much more than I receive
Or I need or want something

And then it starts again.

Today I read it and remembered that she never loved me. She was the only person who ever stood up for me but she was just tricking me.

The world used to be a place where I was desperate and alone and afraid but I had hope.

Now I know I can’t trust myself. That’s essential for hope.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

I love these kitties.















Being forced to stay home wouldn't be so bad because of them, if the knee wasn't causing me grief still.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Disgusted and Ashamed

I must say that I was sad that Prop 8 passed, but I am ashamed of the gay community when I hear people bashing Prop 2.

There is an implication, and sometimes an outright statement, that passing Prop 2 prevented gay people from getting married. This is not only factually incorrect, but also grotesquely offensive and shameful.

Farm workers and food animals are treated in ways that are considerably worse than not having the right to marry, but that's not even the worst part of this bullshit.

The worst part is the desire of oppressed people to oppress someone else. Those who employ this strategy of blaming Prop 2 for Prop 8s passing are afflicted with the syndrome that affects many a Poli/Sci major in their freshman year... the parroting of something they've heard and expecting other humans to think them clever.

It's not clever.
It's revolting.

I am a gay person, and I support the separation of church and state.
I also gave more money to Yes on 2 than I did to No on 8 because I knew that Yes on 2 would have less total donations.

I was right.
It was 4 to 1 more for No on 8.

Someone needs to teach these awful people that oppression is wrong for everyone, not just everyone but them.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I used to post actual thoughts on here

and then I realised that no one cares
and that's as it should be.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Poor blogger

I've neglected you so.

Suffice to say that taking two college classes while working full time is not advisable.
For anyone looking to catch up on what's up with me...
take a look at my livejournal.

Whorses

Friday, August 03, 2007

WM3 Update



They've found evidence that links the stepfather to the murders.
WM Police still insist it's meaningless.